Journeying With Wisdom

Lessons Learned in the First Four Months

Grief is an intensely personal journey, and losing my husband to vascular dementia on September 23, 2024, has been the hardest experience of my life. It’s been four months, and I’m still navigating the storm. Through the tears, loneliness, and anger, I’ve come to realize that grieving doesn’t follow a neat timeline or rulebook. Here are the raw, unfiltered lessons I’ve learned so far—lessons that I hope resonate with others walking this path.

1. No One Feels the Grief as Deeply as You Do

People’s words may be kind, but they often feel hollow. At the end of the day, it’s you and your pillow, wrestling with a pain no one else can truly comprehend.

2. People Move On, But You Stay Stuck

Life goes on for everyone else. They tackle new challenges and embrace new beginnings, while you wake up each day feeling as heavy as a brick, trapped in the shadow of your loss.

3. Surviving Minute to Minute

Sometimes, getting through a single minute feels like an achievement. It’s a slow, exhausting process, but survival happens in those small, fragile increments.

4. Dealing with Anger

I’m angry—at life, at the universe, at the reality that my soulmate is gone. He was my person, the one who understood me completely, and no one will ever fill that void. The anger is overwhelming, but it’s also part of the process.

5. Feeling Alone in a Crowd

Even when surrounded by people, loneliness persists. The laughter, the conversations—they don’t touch the emptiness inside. These feelings are real, and it’s frustrating when others can’t understand them.

6. Tears That Never Stop

The tears don’t stop; they just learn to hide. By day, I wear a mask—smiling, functioning—but underneath, I’m falling apart.

7. Unexpected Triggers

Four months later, little things still catch me off guard: a song, a scent, a memory. They stir emotions of deep sadness and remind me of everything I’ve lost.

8. Coping with Devastation

The devastation of losing someone who truly understood my soul is indescribable. We’re lucky if we find that one person in a lifetime, and now, there’s nothing. It’s a void that nothing can fill.

9. The Value of Presence

Advice is well-meaning, but sometimes, I just need someone to sit with me, share a coffee, and simply be there. No grand gestures, no overthinking—just presence.

10. The Myth of “Getting Help”

People often suggest seeking help, but they don’t understand that this is a journey I have to walk alone. No amount of talking can erase the pain; it’s about learning to survive one minute, one hour at a time.

11. Battling the Silence

Silence can be a killer. It amplifies the overwhelming thoughts and memories. I’ve found some relief in music, movies, or anything that fills the quiet with a semblance of life.

12. Finding Small Accomplishments

Making a list of small tasks and ticking them off gives me a sense of accomplishment. It’s a way to remind myself that I’m still capable, even when it feels like everything is falling apart.

13. Sleep—When It Comes

Sleep doesn’t come easily, but when it does, it’s a small escape. Rest is essential, even if it’s fleeting.

Four Months Later: The Struggle Remains

Four months on, the emptiness in the house is ever-present. My soulmate’s absence is a constant reminder of what I’ve lost. Grief doesn’t end; it evolves. I’m still struggling, still learning, and still trying to find my footing in a world that feels incomplete without him.

If you’re on this journey too, know that you’re not alone. Grieving without borders means embracing the reality that there are no limits, no rules, and no expectations. It’s okay to feel everything—anger, sadness, loneliness—and to take it one moment at a time. We’re all learning to navigate this uncharted territory together.