Journeying With Wisdom

“In the later stages of dementia, some people with dementia will develop what’s known as behavioral and psychological symptoms of dementia (BPSD). The symptoms of BPSD can include increased agitation. aggression (shouting or screaming, verbal abuse, and sometimes physical abuse).”

Caregivers know it is one thing to read about BPSD, and another to be on the receiving end of it. What is intended to be a caring gesture from the caregiver, many times turns out into verbal abuse, especially in the later stages of the disease. 

My husband used to love and appreciate good wine. It was so much more than drinking a glass of wine. Tasty food, friends, family, colleagues, and exceptional wine were the ingredients of another fabulous social event. I loved entertaining, and he loved bringing out one of the best bottles from his wine collection to pair with the food. It was a weekend ritual we almost lived for – and we’ve collected so many happy memories around it. Well, I have. Sadly, he has forgotten a lot of those precious memories he so enjoyed.

Fact: I’ve done some research and alcohol and dementia are not the best of friends. Alcohol adversely affects cognition and memory.  “People with dementia can become more confused after a drink, so may need to limit the amount they have. Also, alcohol doesn’t mix well with certain medicines.”

Action: So, I decided to reduce the alcohol intake and of course thought it would be easy since we’re no longer entertaining. When on our own, we used to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, two max. I reduced it to one glass at dinner.

Consequence: Be prepared that your loved one will not appreciate this caring gesture. They may see it as “you wanting to control” them, wanting to treat them like a child, wanting to be “the boss”.  And with that comes a string of verbal abuse that may seem not severe to outsiders, but to you, already emotionally drained, it is yet another attack. 

Quote, source: maggysquotes

Coping Skills: After a few of these incidents I’ve found that simply pretending you are in deep thought and have not heard a word of it can be the better route. I usually combine it with “please excuse me, I just HAVE to go to the bathroom!” and do a swift disappearing act. This is because if you react, it will be met with just another phrase of verbal abuse and the snowball effect can only be detrimental in the long term. Does it hurt you as the caregiver? Hell, yes! You want to run for the hills! Oh, and just a PS on the “bathroom” – my “bathroom” sometimes is in the strangest places – lol. Like I disappear to the garden instead – fresh air and nature are a great combination to cope with the stressors of caring for dementia patients.

I’ve tried changing the subject, which is another way to cope with the situation. You may have better results than I do, so please try it. Every dementia patient reacts differently. It may work for you. 

And that’s it from me on alcohol habits of dementia patients and coping with it. If you have success with other coping skills, do share them below. And equally as valuable, share this post with others who are caring for loved ones with dementia. Spread the love!