Journeying With Wisdom

If you’re reading this, chances are that you know exactly what it feels like to ride the emotional rollercoaster. Well, by now I do too. Only, I don’t like heights!

However, it seems I do like heights. Lately, it is riding near the ground that I fear the most.

When things go well, the days are short, bright, and full of hope. When I hit the lows, the gloomy days and heavy heart are all I can feel. It’s demanding work to get to the light. To look past the emotional abuse and the illogical and embarrassing behavior is challenging – to say the least.

I followed the highs and lows of Jane Marczewski (Nightbirde) from her golden buzzer appearance on America’s Got Talent (AGT). Her very first appearance rocked me; her conviction that you can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy. 

I was captured by her strength and inner beauty. However, somehow her advice did not quite set in until after her death (19 February 2022). Reading the very same quote, I realized the emphasis is on the word “you”. 

In other words, I (IT IS ME) must decide on how to deal with the lows. 

• The lows are inevitable. But being depressed about them just makes matters worse. 
• Caring for someone with dementia will always be hard. But will I allow it to define ME?

I opted to follow Jane’s advice. I set my personal record – almost three months of accepting the inevitable, not focusing on the lows and difficulties, and focusing on being thankful for what I still have.

And now I’m near the ground again. My husband’s name changed to “Dementia” again. And I am fighting for my own perseverance because I know:

• Dementia can make you feel defeated. 
• Dementia’s emotional abuse can drain you. 
• Dementia’s selfishness can fill you with rage.
• Dementia can kidnap my personality, my character, and my entire being.

And that’s what every wife or partner who cares for their Dementia husband faces daily. 

So, what is the solution? I wish I knew. I’ve tried some DIY remedies…

• Right now, it’s literally gloomy outside with regular showers. Usually, gardening helps – all the vitamin D does it for me. 
• I enjoy music and it helps to put my earphones on with a lengthy list of cheerful songs at a decent volume, so I cut off the negativity around me. 
• A few days ago, it was either losing control or distancing myself from the situation for a while. I took my Maltese furry angels for a walk, and all of us stopped for ice cream before coming back home. 
• If you enjoy shopping (not my favorite activity), it could be another option to get some space. Stop at the coffee shop before returning home. 

If you know about some tried and tested remedies, do drop a comment! 

Until then, remember Jane. “Youcan’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before YOU decide to be happy.” 
I’m with you on this road.

Photo Source – Stay Hopeful: maggysquotes